Tuesday, November 19, 2002

Well that's possibly the first and last time I'll see Bilbo Baggins rubbing shoulders with Rubeus Hagrid, Ichabod Crane and Lord Sepulchrave Groan....A very fine film is "From Hell"

I miss those lovely evening dress suits and the carriages with the clunky steps that fall down, but I can't say I miss the medical practices.
There are things in this life one should just never do; play with radioactive chemicals for example, or eat something with a great deal of paprika in it whilst wearing a clean white shirt, or believe everything you see on television. These are merely common sense. Then there are the less widely held ones - like getting very drunk and trying to jump the Belfire, sleeping with someone you can't have a good conversation with and/or may regret in the morning, or falling in love with a woman who sells herself - though this one I can vouch for sometimes being OK. To this list I would like to add the following;

Agreeing to sit up with someone while they work several nights in a row, consequently becoming sleep deprived and ill.

Drinking khavesi and watching the God Channel all night before going in to sort out matters of religious intolerance.

In said sleep deprived and ill condition discovering you are running serously short on money and calling someone up to do life modelling for money, then ten minutes later calling them back up and saying you just cannnot do this and you aren't what they're looking for, having spent those ten minute bawling on the sofa about how ugly and talentless you are.

Listening to "The Music Of The Night" when you're feeling seriously fragile and weepy.

*sigh* what a day.

This rat has certainly never bounced around in a happy manner on a pogo stick, or indeed in any manner. Oh tell a lie I did once play pool on a pogo stick in a friend of mine's cellar while I was at school. But apart from that I have had a pogo stick free life, and I'm glad. How uncouth and degrading can you get? The only thing worse are Space Hoppers - now THAT'S pure evil. I was always scared they'd burst and consequently never went near one. Ballet - also degrading - especially if you're The Big Kid. I can do every single ballet position easily, I have a dance qualification, and for a time there was nothing I wanted more in my life than to be one of those little lithe girls in pink tutus whirling around gracefully, but it was never going to happen, because I was The Big Kid.

Acting. That's what I want to do with my life. Oh of course I wanted to be a showjumper and a vet and a doctor like almost every child does at some point. I also quite would have liked to have been a solicitor or a forensic psychologist. but what I really always wanted was to act - to be a star, not even a big film star (though if I was, it would have been in the Audrey Hepburn mould) but someone who does big stage productions, musicals, long running plays. I would have been respected and loved, may even have had fans, had a decent salary, been friends with Sir Andy. I stopped being cast when I was eighteen, partly because the role I'd been reprising for years was a man's and I was starting to look decidedly feminine, partly because I just wans't good enough. I have a great face for radio, and I didn't even make a mark when I did that, I had a little overlooked show late at night with two other people who didn't give a damn about talking over me. I do not shine, I don't even sparkle a bit, I'm all covered in muck and crap and I can't wash it off.

Now I'm just getting maudlin. I should be counting my blessings - which currently comprise a wondeful wife and reasonably nice hair. I'd say at least I've got my health but I don't even have that. I can't even say at least I've got my music anymore, because my hands are screwed up, I can't play the guitar anymore let alone a pipe organ. I think I'll watch a movie and go to bed, tomorrow might look a little brighter.

But you know what? It'll only hurt my eyes if it is.

Sunday, November 17, 2002

Here's why I get on so well with Byron; She used our bathroom (which is still half decorated as I am snowed under with work and various other shite) now, in our bathroom, there is a sign on the shower screen which reads "shower screen is fixed - it only moves an inch or two!"

So what did Byron do?

She moved it, to see if the sign lied or not (incidentally, it does lie) And that's why we get on, because my response was just the same. It's the little things that count.

It's one thing to annoy other people with little notes, it's quite another to annoy yourself with them. I got royally pissed on Friday night, and had a mug of espresso to sober myself up. The result? I was wide awake until eight in the morning, did some work and stuck notes on everything to remind me to do stuff. They are really annoying me. Everyone I ever sent a stupid note to, I'm sorry! Well except if you count my actual letters to people as stupid notes, I'm not sorry about them - even if they are written in red ink on parchment, folded in thirds, scented and put through the letterbox at the dead of night to be found in the morning and puzzled over, or not as the case may be. Depends on how well you know me.

I had loads of stuff to write when I sat down to do this, now it's all gone out of my head. Stuff does that to me, especially when I'm at the gin - and yes I'm still turning into Jude, though sadly that has not yet involved becoming six foot three, incredibly thin and pale with black hair. *sigh* I get all the bad bits... It's so unfair I think I may have to punish him for it. I think it would be really cruel to get an anorexic stoned don't you? After all - munchies... *evil cackle* Here Jude, take a toke on this like a good little luvvie, mwahahaha!!!!!

By the way. I had dinner with Ramsey Dukes.

Beth darling, you're not married to a Percy. However you could not be more right about the fact that you are married to a Shelley. It's becoming disturbing how much I'm a born Romantic - though don't worry, I'm not likely to start living on bread and water any time soon, though the next time there's a thunderstorm it's clothes off and rooftop running time. I need you here as some sort of stabilising influence!

Gah.. head dying. I'll write more when I can get my act together.