Saturday, January 11, 2003

And tonght, your special feature from Damn You Must Be Bored To Read This productions is

THE RETURN OF THE NEW ZEALAND LESBIAN!!

Sounds like a bad b-movie, and you know what? The dialogue sounds like it's from one too. Marvel at the VVR's powers of cluelessness, gasp as It discovers the secret reason why the Jellicle refuses to pop in and give Ma'mselle a hug (or not so secret as it transpires) Goggle at the simple joys of being from Auckland!

Went to Unicycle Scrub's for Puzzle Bobble and curry tonight. Both are very good, but I've managed to leave my handbag there - oh well, have to go round and pick up two chairs tommorow anyway. Don't ask. Anyway this is all well and good, but I step outside for some fresh air *ahem* and then this guy comes up to me and starts chatting me up. God dammit do I just have "I'm easy, pet me" written on my face?? Well I guess I was temporarily blonde at the time but still no excuse. He pulled the usual thing about my accent ie thinking I was from New Zealand, and I told him I was a lesbian and gave him a false name.

It's a sad sad thing when the only false name you can come up with is (a) that of a fictional character you are currently writing and (b) that of your mother in law. Though it's short for something different in both cases. Yes readers, I told him my name was Penny. I also told him I was 22, unemployed, lived with Scrub and had only been in England a year. *sigh* I'm tragic.

I did something I haven't done for years last night purely because I was around it while writing my essay - which was go through the ten commandments and see which of them remain unbroken. Now unless we play Past Lives Count (in which case I'm totally broken) I've got two which remain unbroken; Honour thy mother and thy father, which I have no intention of breaking, and Thou shalt not kill, which I broke in Ireland. And it's debatable whether I kept to the former in London as well, but in any case, just this life my score is 2 out of 10. Good grief I'm doomed - or would be. But then again they must be right, and so must I... so.. oh hell I don't know. It's too early for philosophy.

You know the best thing about wearing a wig out? Sitting down when you get in, pulling the wig off and ruffling up your hair - just feels soooo good!

Thursday, January 09, 2003

I have silly foolish housemates. Fancy calculating the time difference in the wrong direction?! Well, consequently, Animal House remains shockingly quiet, ringing softly to the strains of Don Giovanni (mystically so, as the original Animal House was inhabitted by the man later to become Mozart) and the frantic keyboard strokes of someone tring to finish their Modernism essay before they get too drunk to see straight.

My bed canopy is up, and Box Five now looks terribly Gothically Valid TM. Now I just need to stop letting Sir Whinealot drag me out of here to sit in the remarkbly un-Gothic living room, when all I'm trying to do is sit up here in my little islet of paradisally dark and gloomy territory and write terribly bad fiction. *sigh*

If I had anything to blog about, would the entry look like this? I think not.

Wednesday, January 08, 2003

Ahhh now That IS a point...

If the Audrey II lives on human blood, and comes from outer space, where did it get it before it arrived on Earth? Assuming there are no humans on other planets, which I'd say is a fair assumption, it can't have lived on human blood. Unless human blood is the closest substitute to whatever it is that little Audrey II's in space live on, it makes no sense.

Of course, if there ARE humans in outer space, it's all fine. Otherwise, nothing like the Audrey II could ever have existed to come down to Earth. One can only asume it comes from a planet which is populated by a limited supply of humans caring for plants and running hip swingin' clubs with big jazzy orchestras and people who talk tough and swear a little. Hmmm.

I think I found where I want to live. On such a planet it would be alright to feed people to plants, so as long as I was friendly with a couple I could live like a king feeding people to plants, singing jazzy duets and generally being a zoot-suit wearing cool little rat.

Groovy.
"....and the duck says, Doc - I've got this man growing out of my ass!"

Lord Wuss has a new theme song - one of his many I hasten to add and the list bizzarely includes "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" - of course we've all known this is his song for a long while but the video was just on....

"I'm going slightly mad
Oh dear,
It finally happened
Oh yes it finally happened....
I'm slighty mad"

It's the more English than English way it's sung that does it I'm sure. Incindentally the thing that appeals in the Evita thing is the bit that goes;

"I had to let it happen
I had to change
Couldn't stay all my life down at heel
Looking out of the window
Staying out of the sun
So I chose freedom
Running around trying everything new
But nothing impressed me at all
I never expected it to"

While I'm on the subject, is everyone familiar with "Morning Glory"? not the Oasis crap, the Irish song - you know "One for the morning glory, two for the early dew, three for the man who stands his round and four for the love of you"? I think the Drunken Whoring Bastard is quite partial to that as a theme song. Especially the bit about the landlord's daughters all having kids that look just like him. Good song that. Spike always used to tell me to turn off the diddly-dee tooraloora laddie crap when I put Irish music on but I don't care, he just has no soul. Well there are those who'd say the same of me but I assure you that contrary to all popular belief I do have a soul. A very small tarnished one that I keep in a box from time to time, but it's there.

Found out yesterday evening that it WASN'T the Vicomte that bought M'amselle the huge bouquet of flowers. For some reason this makes it all okay *sigh* shallow as hell I know but you know what I'm like. I was going to go shopping with her today but she'd already arranged to meet Puppydog in town so that was a big no-no, since I don't actually acknowledge her existence. So maybe some other time. Shame really, I was quite looking forward to behaving like a little girly-girl and doing the shopping thing today, and I don't have any choice but to work on my Modernism essay now as the house is immaculate and I'm all out of inspiration for my writing or poetry. Turns out Lavender-and-seaweed guy was right about Canterbury - it's not a poet's city. He told me I couldn't write poetry while I was there and he was right, even though I had great inspiration for a long mythological work I couldn't write it. So here I am, Blogging away, because I have nothing better to do.

Nothing much changes does it?

Monday, January 06, 2003

With refference to pokeystick.blogspot.com - I missed you! Totally - you arrived back the day I left... and yes, one does quaff mead. Ask your housemate about her wedding.. all hail Zoe, Queen of Quaff! she washed her hair in the stuff and had to go home and dry off before the reception :)

Sigh. Well here I am back in Lancaster, ready to start another term of student life. Animal House is a bit quiet at the moment as only two of us are back. Had a good journey, several gin and tonics on the way - I'll quit drinking so much as soon as my essays are done I swear it. I have left my lovely Wife in the capable care of her Replacement Phantom (The author of PokeyStick, by the way) and am here for more work. And then some work. and maybe a little work when I'm done.

But for now I'm settling in for a relaxing lavender bath, updating Purely Derivative, and maybe doing some more actual writing later on, then calling the landlord to get him to fix up my bed canopy. God my life is dull.